Marriage is a topic that I am not worthy to write about, yet it is an important topic. Neither am I a perfect wife, nor a good partner. I have made several mistakes. I shout, complain, nag and do everything that should not be done. However, I believe that any relationship can stand the test of time and turn out to be a beautiful journey, if both sides are genuinely invested in the relationship, and deeply care for each other, accepting the imperfections of one another and growing to love the imperfections perhaps more than the good qualities.
I write these points as a periodical reminder for myself and anyone who aspires to work on this relationship. Often our ego pushes us to make a hill out of a mole, and things are blown out of proportion, destroying the happiness and peace in the house. Those are the times, when these little reminders come in handy. I might have picked these simple recommendations from friends, books and internet.
Quick friendly reminders:
Abandon the anger in this relationship.
Forgive when you can for the bigger picture, for the greater good. As they say, don't sweat the small stuff. Its just simpler and easier to ignore small mistakes.
Do not criticize. Have conversations instead.
We tend to get judgmental, label and criticize. The worst thing to do would be to complain all through the journey without taking any positive actionable decisions to counter the source of anguish.
Endure the little flaws of the partner.
In one of the interviews by the legendary Ruth Ginsberg, she says - It pays to turn a deaf ear many times in marriage, and also in general in life. She has had one of the best loving marriages and speaks dearly about her husband at several occasions. Her suggestion in particular is a very valuable reminder, as its not practical to 'react disagreeably' to every unkind word used for you. It is probably better to turn a deaf ear at times and lead a peaceful life if possible.
Respect for each other. This is not negotiable and self explanatory.
A sense of being equals in this journey of marital togetherness. In many parts of the world, women are not treated fairly. There are many rituals and traditions that are nor fair and unkind towards women. A happy marriage is one, when both sides have an equal footing. One is not considered lesser or more than the other. Both ideally must play a substantial role in valuable decision making like buying a house, education, kids etc.
The partner 'ideally' should have your back, when you are upset, depressed.
When one is upset, the other must try to be the pillar of strength. Both sides should be available to empathize and help the other, when needed. Well sometimes, one might not be blessed with a very high emotional quotient and might not be able to empathize. And if that's the case, it could become a limitation, that we might want to turn a deaf ear too, as empathy and emotions cannot be usually drilled into a person.😊
Last but not the least, Have time for each other.
Last but not the least, Have time for each other.
Being genuinely interested and having conversations about day to day life. Brew that cup of tea in the morning and talk. Get the wine in the night and talk. For a change drop the newspaper or the TV and talk. Talk, and have conversations when possible.
Hope you enjoyed reading these tips as much as I enjoyed compiling them.
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